i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
