We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
