Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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