ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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