Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
