I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
