The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
