"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
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The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
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I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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