some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
