Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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