he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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