I want to have your abortion
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
