I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
