Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
