somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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