an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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