Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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