Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
