So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
