You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
