do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
