you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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