Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
