I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just forgot I was standing up.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
