Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
