So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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