I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize