it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
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