My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
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