OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
