Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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