Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
she woke up with a sticky ear
a search helicopter?!
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
