You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
