I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Your topless pictures make me question reality
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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