This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I got her a Nickelback box set.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
