I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
