I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
