the condom got lost in my hair
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize