the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
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blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
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Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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