Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
