bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
