Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
