I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
