i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
how drunk are you?
Several
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
