He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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