i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
