Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's