Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
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call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
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OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret