i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
