she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
