3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
