dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
They took my balls.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
