If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
