It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
