so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize