My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
