"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
