I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
